Today is the beginning of the Days of Awe ... from tonight, erev Rosh HaShanah to Yom Kippur.
Why awe?
In Jewish tradition there is a time of year when we believe that we have a special connection with You, that You are closer. The first ten days of the month of Tishrí are our wormhole! A beautiful Midrash says that they are "the days when the King descends into the fields, where the peasants may be surprised to see him closer, to hear his voice, before he returns to the royal palace".
This wonderful opportunity does not come out of the blue: during the month of Elul I tried to act as a farmer who prepares the soil for sowing a new crop. Becoming one with my field as a project, similar to the bond of two people who promise to love each other - Elul is considered by tradition the acronym of the verse of the Song of Songs "Ani L'dodi V'dodi Li" that is "I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine". At the same time, however, I awaken my awareness that I am a single and unique person, with my own needs and whose actions have a consequence on everything around me.
During Elul I do and turn the earth of my life, I examine what I see with a critical but constructive spirit - because the ultimate goal is Teshuvà, the return to the right path - I talk to the people in my life, I try to reach out to understand if I need to make adjustments or reparations in relationships, not least the relationship with myself, my needs and responsibilities, everything that makes for a fulfilling life. The peasant in me knows that the King is in the fields ... for a while longer.
Rosh Hashanah arrives, the anniversary of Creation, and it is time to sow, I am asking to be inscribed in the Book of Life, with a new commitment. If I have done a good job, these seeds will take root and on Yom Kippur Day you will decide. Anyhow, I would like to tell you that I have never appreciated this time, this Festival, like this year.
In my article Elul/1 I explained to you how maybe in the past I didn't use the precious notion of the "wormhole" very well, but I would like to add something. I think it was a wonderful gift that you gave me at birth: entering a family ... let's say difficult (!), you gave me a tool to try to live up to Hillel's principle "If I am not for myself, who is for me? And, if I am only for myself, what am I?” I still have to make it, but I'm not giving up!
But today I want to give thanks for having had this special tool when I gave birth to my creature. Since my daughter was born thirty-two years ago, at least for a few years, I have been able to rejoice in her life and give her my best. In the last 15 years there have been (or unfortunately I have let them be - see Part 1!) too many interferences that have made our dialogue difficult. Especially in the last three years, while gaining awareness that I had been wasting my energies and not using the "wormhole" properly for myself and Irene, I tried to 'return'. It has been like a long month of Elul!
Then, a sometime ago, I had the immense joy of hearing her voice 'chirping' while spontaneously opening her heart to me, of perceiving her willingness to listen and to live a good adult relationship. I think I am not exaggerating by comparing this experience to the feeling that "the King is in the fields"!
Only, is it You who are closer to me, or I am closer to You?
Wishing us all a joyful Shabbat of shalom and simcha!
Lior